How to Find a Good Psychotherapist

You’ve been managing well for some time, but now you’re starting to feel like figuring things out on your own is no longer enough. Maybe you’ve been seeing patterns in your life, in your relationships, and/or in yourself that you are not happy with. You know you want something different, and therapy sounds like an interesting option but you don’t know where to start or what questions to ask. Here are 5-tips that may be helpful to consider:

1 - Do I feel comfortable with my therapist?

Research suggests that a significant factor increasing chances of therapeutic success is the relationship with your therapist. This means, that more than anything, it’s important to assess if you actually like your therapist, feel safe with them, and respect their insight. If you don’t enjoy being around them and don’t feel comfortable with this in person, there is a likelihood that you will not want to open up about certain things, or might feel the need to tailor things that you want to say. I like to think that therapy is a place where you can feel comfortable to “word-vomit” with your therapist, be as authentic as you like, while still feeling respected, valued, and validated. In other words, a good therapist will create a space where you feel emotionally safe and cared for.

Citation: Hatcher, R. L. (1999). Therapists' views of treatment alliance and collaboration in therapy. Psychotherapy Research, 9(4), 405–423. https://doi.org/10.1093/ptr/9.4.405

2 - Do I feel like my therapist respects and gets my worldview?

Everybody operates with a different worldview. For some people, there are values guided by elements like faith, culture, or social identity, to name a few, that are central to who they are and how they navigate the world. It is always a good idea to ask the therapist upfront how they feel about the topics that are most important to you. This way, before investing any emotional time, you will be able to see if you are a good fit with your therapist.

PRO TIP: Book a 15-minute free consultation or 30-minute appointment with your therapist (depending on what the therapist offers) and ask these questions upfront.

3 - Can my therapist work with my issue?

In that same 15-minute, it is also a good idea to provide a topic to your therapist that you hope to discuss in therapy and ask them how they would address that issue with you. Hopefully, their response will give you a bit of an idea of whether or not you like their approach.

4 - Can I disagree with my therapist or express negative feelings?

The reality is, not every mental health practitioner will be the right fit for you. This means that in some therapy sessions, you might feel like you are in a paid coffee date or in a space where you do not feel comfortable to be yourself. It’s important to bring this up with your therapist. In a healthy client-practitioner relationship, there will be space to be open about how you feel towards them or something they said or did; whether you are feeling angry, disappointed, rejected, or sad (even if you think it’s just in. your head). Whatever it is, your therapist should respond in a respectful and emotionally safe way that will help both of you to process your experience in an emotionally healthy way. This also means, feeling comfortable telling your therapist that you didn’t feel like showing up today… yes. It happens, and I’ve seen it lead to some great discussions ;)

In my words, emotionally safe is when you can express your experience while still feeling and being respected for your experience, whether the person agrees or disagrees with you.

I believe that it is also very important to feel comfortable making choices for yourself and not worry that not following your therapist’s insight will be met with dissaproval or with judgement. In a healthy working relationship, your therapist will be there to support you in your decision-making process regardless of whether or not you have done your homework or followed through on a commitment. At the end of the day, this is your life. You get to decide how you experience it. You are the one who gets to reap the wins and the learning opportunities that come with your choices.

5 - Is it time to move on?

Like in any relationship, some have earlier end-dates than others. And that’s just life. Sometimes, you will connect well with your therapist for a period of time, and they will help you immensely in one phase of your life. Then, for a different phase, you might notice that they are not as helpful. That’s okay.

Just like we sometimes have different friends for different activities or different stages of life, we might find that some therapists are wonderfully helpful in one area, but not as helpful in another. That’s just how things happen sometimes. No one person can excel in every area. When you’re ready, you always have the choice to thank them for their support, wish them well, and move on to a different therapist. On your healing journey, you will meet, leave, and modify many relationships along the way, and that’s okay.